Saturday, April 23, 2011

Annie's First - AND ONLY - Date from Hell

So, my friend “Annie” who lives in Charlotte met this guy from Chicago who was visiting a friend (in Charlotte).  He was a friend of a friend.  (Note to reader:  Already way too many “friends” involved in this potential relationship which, if it implodes, will be most uncomfortable for all involved parties.)  There was an instant chemical connection so she agreed to go out on a breakfast date with him.  They ate eggs and bacon, and then she went to work.  He returned to Chicago. 

(First red flag - geographically undesirable)

The moment he returned to his home base, he purchased a plane ticket to visit her the Monday and Tuesday of the following week.

(Second red flag - too eager)

Due to bad weather, his flight was delayed.  He arrived in Charlotte (from Chicago) nine hours late last Monday – so much for an evening out on the town to get to know each other a little better, oh well.  Second day, Tuesday, Annie had to go to work all day.  So, the boy hung out in her apartment with her cat.  At noon, when she was supposed to be meeting him for lunch at some cute restaurant somewhere in town, he sent her a text message that read: "Hey! I just noticed this frozen lasagna in your freezer. So, I put it in the oven. Why don't we just eat at your place?"

(Third red flag - cheap and lazy)

After she got off from work at 5 PM, she met him (and a bunch of their mutual friends) at a local bar.  He was already wasted drunk since he had been there since 3 PM.

(Fourth red flag – potential alcoholic)

They ended up staying at the bar until 8 PM (the original plan was to actually have an evening together to get to know each other).  Then, they ate dinner with all of his friends.

(Fifth red flag - he's a groupie)

They finally got back to Annie’s place at 10 PM, and by this time she was highly annoyed so she said: "Listen, I'm tired, I'm going to bed. Are you staying here on my couch or at a friend's tonight?"  Well... and here's where he really face planted (because he had already crashed and burned by this point)... he wanted to TALK.  And by talk, he said this:

"Annie. I think we should get married. I think you're the One. I knew it the moment we met. When can you move to Chicago?"

(Sixth red flag - he's delusional and emotionally needy)

Annie told him that there was no way he could know anything about her, that he was wrong, and that she was tired and going to sleep.  At this point he got annoyed at her and said:

“You really have issues.  You are tainted when it comes to love which is why you're not willing to give into this fully.  Why are all girls these days so jaded?"

The conversation – and any hope for a second date – was over.

Annie immediately called me and relayed her horror story.  The moment she got to the ending, all I could think about was:

The lasagna.  And was it expensive?

What does that say about me?  Does that mean I’m jaded when it comes to love and that I rate a gourmet item from Whole Foods higher than a possible relationship?  Good God, I hope not. 

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